i remember the surprise i got on my last birthday, and a teeny tiny piece of me remembers the mixed feelings of confusion, anger, and also happiness. i didn't expect you at all to wish me a happy birthday then out of the blue, but it was nice. as much of you as i have let go with much work, that teeny tiny piece of me isn't going to let you go until after my birthday is over and i know you're gone for good this time. i need to really set myself this not as a rule, but a guideline.

and so, i declare that after the 17th of october, i will promise to never let you get a fragment of my hopes up. i promise to never think about you and remember how much fun we had as friends unless somebody else asks. i promise that i'll continue being as happy as i am now. i promise that your face and name will fade so much that i will never be able to reconnect you to the embodiment of the bad things and the good things you've done. you'll be gone, and neither of us will ever have this concern again.