stop hating yourself you fucking idiot you don't have time anymore

reading previous posts is a little strange because i could swear it wasn't me writing them, if i didn't already know it was me.

i'm not sure what exactly has changed since then, but my head space is much nicer and i feel significantly more stable. i don't care so much about whatever the multitude of posts were about, but i feel like i can trust myself. maybe it was simply just time that let me heal.

i'm sick of the nightmares
i'm sick of the emptiness
i'm sick of the loneliness
i'm sick of the waiting
i'm sick of the trying
i'm sick of the exhaustion
i'm sick of the me
and the you
and those yous, too

still bloggin' about wanting to be dead. i honestly don't know why i'm trying anymore, this is ridiculous. if only i were selfish enough.

so busy recently. i hardly have time to sleep properly because i have so much work to do.

i don't know what to say. things have been pretty good i guess, not perfect but totally much better. i'm still haunted by everything wrong but i definitely feel progress happening. it's going to take a while to completely break off feeling like an empty shell, though. yawn. i don't know why i'm even writing this. i guess because i can't talk to anybody because no one really cares and i don't want people leaving again.

pressuring me to walk back into that is exactly the same as pressuring me to go and hurt myself. i don't want to make that same mistake again and people should stop pressuring my pain.

You know, if anyone I know reads this (which I sincerely hope you they aren't), I'll love you forever if you never tell me you love me unless you really mean it. Honesty is something I appreciate so much.