ROCKIN', a registered psychotherapist e-mailed me back to see me within a week! Things will hopefully start getting somewhere, I'm so happy already!
Also, I have some wonderful friends who saved my from drowning myself in bad thoughts alone in my room tonight.

this overwhelming emptiness engulfs me. i can't tell anyone, it's so hard. i don't really want people to know how awful i'm feeling, if they could even begin to understand that is, and i certainly don't want them to understand. i'm probably going to drift away and they'll think i'm just another jerk but really, i just can't stay in this broken ol' city where everything is sugar coated to try not remind me of all the broken memories i'm surrounded by.

FEELING SO EMPTY, WHAT THE FUCK

an hour later and i still feel bad.

and honestly, the person i feel like i want a hug from is a boy i really didn't expect to like.

I shouldn't have gone to sleep at some ridiculous hour like 5:30 pm. I woke up again at about 9:30 pm after a nightmare and I'm feeling so panicky and ridiculous. I don't want to be haunted and plagued by so many negative thoughts but this seems to always happen when I'm back in C-town.

i truthfully don't feel unhappy, like things are fine and i get by with everything but it's so hard because it feels like i AM unhappy and i'm lying to myself, but i genuinely don't know. i'm worried i'm bottling everything up again but i don't even realise i'm doing it. whining doesn't really help. i just don't know how to actually determine what the problem exactly is here.

i've been in what feels like a minor panic attack for the past six hours, all because of a rude text message i got, oh my god.