i totally can't handle this at all. its only been a week of this boy and its been one of the best weeks of my life. i don't know how to manage this happiness at all.

we'll also take a moment to appreciate all the boy attention i've had over the past few months,
and we'll take a moment to appreciate i'm blogging this here because a certain boy could see this anywhere else and i don't want him to know i have the absolute biggest crush on him ever

here we go.

we're going to take a moment to appreciate how much my anxiety and panic levels have decreased over the months, and we're also going to take a moment to farewell the past me that got emotionally ripped to shreds by a boy's awful words and in a way, succeeded in suicide. i wish you a nice long rest and i'm sorry that the outer shell of me that's left wasn't enough to protect you, although i know you were told you were protected by somebody else. it's nobody's fault and one day maybe he'll be able to accept what he's done without having to deny having done it because deep down he knows how bad it really was.